Last week, I wrote a post entitled “Things Change.” The post was about the inevitability of change and how we should embrace it rather than fight it.
As I looked back on that post, I realized I had talked about the principle of embracing change, but didn’t give any practical suggestions on how to embrace change.
So, let’s talk about how to do that.
I have a confession to make. As a guy, it’s a difficult confession to make, but here it goes…one of my favorite movies is “Under the Tuscan Sun.” There’s just something about this movie that captivates me. (And it’s not just Diane Lane.) Maybe it’s because it’s a movie about disappointment and rebuilding. It’s a movie about life’s ability to deliver both discouragement and unexpected surprise. It’s a movie that reminds us that when you think the good stuff is over, it’s really just beginning.
Last night I learned of the suicide of Robin Williams. I was shocked and saddened by the news. I’ve always been in awe of his ability to riff and improvise on the spot.
It’s confusing when someone with so much to live for can’t see a reason to live. It’s jarring to think that someone could be so bright on the outside and so dark on the inside. Yet this is the reality for many people.
This is also the reality for many marriages.
How can someone be here one minute and gone the next? How can life be going so well and then come undone? How can I feel fine one day and get this diagnosis the next? How can I buy a home and then find out later they’re doing away with my job? Why did this have to happen?
If you’ve ever experienced life threatening news, you know these questions. You’ve asked these questions. You’ve looked for answers to these questions. Maybe you’re still looking for answers.
All you want to know is, “Why did this have to happen?”
Why can’t I get what I want? Maybe you’ve asked that question in marriage. Maybe it was when your spouse was not helping around the house. Maybe it was when you wanted to relax and your spouse wanted you to run an errand. Maybe it was when your spouse wasn’t interested in sex, or was too interested in sex. Whatever it was, you found yourself asking, “Why can’t I get what I want?”
Which is more important, forgiveness or justice? It depends on who you are. If you’re the offended, justice is more important. If you’re the offender, forgiveness is more important. Whether you’re looking for forgiveness or justice, you need to understand that getting it will also be problematic for you. Here’s what I mean…
What are you afraid of? When I was very young I was afraid of clowns. To this day, I don’t remember why, but I remember the fear. I also was afraid of the dark. (Yeah, I was kind of a wimpy kid.)
No one wants to be afraid, but let’s face it…there’s a lot of things out there to fear. If we’re going to over-come our fear, we must first understand just what is feeding our fear.
When we’re growing up and we encounter things beyond our control, we tend to look for someone who is in control. We look for a parent, a teacher, a referee, a police officer…anyone who can exercise some control over our situation. But if that doesn’t work, we head down one of two paths:
Listen to last week’s Normal Marriage class to see what you’ve been missing. Share it with someone who might enjoy it…or need it. Then join us tonight as we continue figuring out what it means to have a normal marriage you can really enjoy.
I grew up in the country with a lot of farmland and a lot of barns. On top of most of those barns was a weather vane. The weather vane was usually in the shape of a rooster or some other farm animal and it would turn in the wind till it settled in a certain direction.
We can be like one of those weather vanes.