giving

Priming the Pump

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THE FEELING

Do you feel like you’re starving in your marriage? Maybe you’ve not admitted it to anyone. Perhaps you’ve tried to downplay it, rationalize it, or ignore it. But you feel it. Inside, you’re starving for:

  • Attention.
  • Affection.
  • Time.
  • Support.
  • Appreciation.
  • Acceptance.
  • Encouragement.
  • Etc.

Whatever it may be, if you feel like you’re starving for something in marriage, there’s an allegorical story about Heaven and Hell that has a direct application for you…

THE STORY

There was a man who took a tour of Hell. There, he found the inhabitants of Hell sitting at banquet tables loaded with the richest, most desired food they could ever imagine. Each person had eating utensils in their hands, but their arms were fixed to planks of wood which prevented them from bending their arms to feed themselves. Consequently, everyone sat in the presence of all the food they wanted…yet they were starving.

Then, the man took a tour of Heaven. He was surprised to find that the situation was the same in heaven. The inhabitants of Heaven sat at banquet tables full of the most sumptuous food they could desire, but they too were unable to bend their arms to feed themselves.

Yet the inhabitants of Heaven were well fed and satisfied, while the inhabitants of Hell sat starving. Why? Because the inhabitants of Heaven focused on feeding each other rather than feeding themselves!

THE LESSON

A marriage where spouses are only focused on getting their own needs met can feel a little like Hell, while a marriage where spouses are focused on meeting each other’s needs can feel a lot like Heaven.

If you feel like you’re starving in your marriage, perhaps it’s because you’re more focused on getting your needs met than meeting your spouse’s needs.

Now I can hear some thinking, “What about my spouse? Aren’t they supposed to meet my needs? It would be a lot easier to tend to their needs if they were meeting mine!”

I know. I know. I’ve felt the same thing at times. But that line of thinking only gets you more frustrated and entrenched in your ways…which, by the way, doesn’t work! You don’t change your marriage by changing your spouse. You change your marriage by changing you!

THE HOMEWORK

To paraphrase from the ancient words of the New Testament, a person reaps what they sow. (Gal. 6:7 NIV)

Rather than complaining about what you’re not getting in your marriage, start by giving your spouse the very thing you want.

  • If you’re starving for attention, try giving attention to your spouse.
  • If you’re starving for affection, try giving your spouse affection.
  • If you’re starving for time with your spouse, try giving your spouse more time.
  • (You get the idea.)

A FINAL STORY

I grew up in the country, and in our front yard, we had an old long-handled pump. If you wanted to get water, you would pump and pump that handle, and eventually, water would come out. (And yes, I know this makes me sound ancient.)

But sometimes, you would pump and pump, and no water would come out. When this happened, you would have to prime the pump. To do this, you would have to dip some water from a nearby bucket and pour the water into the top of the pump, while you continued to pump the handle. When you did this, the pump would eventually start to give out water.

In other words, when the pump seemed to stop working, you had to put water in to get water out.

This is what you need to do in marriage when you feel like you’re starving for something. Whatever it is you desire from your spouse, you need to start pouring into your spouse. It may sound counter-intuitive, but what have you got to lose?

Deuteronomy 15 – Share What You’ve Been Given

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You can see it in a small child protectively clutching a toy. You can hear it in their voice when they punctuate the word “mine!” Since the Garden of Eden, our natural tendency has been to keep, rather than give.

But God’s people are to be characterized as givers. We are to demonstrate the character of the One who has so graciously given everything to set us free and continues to generously give everything we need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) He reached down when we were in need, leaving us an example to follow.

In Deuteronomy chapter 15, God institutes the year of Jubilee or the year of release. It’s God’s way of reminding His people who they are and where they’ve come from. Deuteronomy 15:4 teaches us that as God’s children, our hearts and resources should go out to the poor and the debtor. Just as God freed us and blessed us, we too are to free and bless others. And as we generously share what God has given us, God will bless us even more.

This applies spiritually as well as materially. We are to give the forgiveness we’ve been given. We are to give the love we’ve been given. And we are to give the mercy we’ve been given. As God’s children, we are to give release and relief, both spiritually and materially.

Have you experienced release and relief from God? If so, how do you need to share that? Whom do you need to forgive? How do you need to bless someone? Find a way to start today!

Deuteronomy 14 – Pay Attention to the Little Things

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A few years ago there was a book published entitled, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” While I agree we shouldn’t get overly anxious or bogged down in small, inconsequential things, that doesn’t mean we should ignore the little things.

Little things are important, because big things are made up of a series of little things. If the little things are not properly cared for, the big things are liable to falter. Just ask anyone who has ignored little things like putting oil in their car, air in their tires, or gas in their tanks.

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Numbers 28-29 – Show Gratitude

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I remember an old black and white movie about a native tribe on an island. In the movie, this tribe was trying to appease their volcano god by offering up an innocent victim. I remember watching the screen as the wild-eyed natives walked their trembling victim to the edge of the volcano. Even as a kid, I thought, “What a harsh and demanding god!”

At first read, Numbers chapters 28-29 can sound much the same. But this is not what these chapters are about!

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Numbers 7-8 – Are You An Indian-Getter?

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Maybe you’ve heard someone use the term “Indian Giver.” Though not politically correct, the title refers to someone who gives something away only to take it back.

I suppose the opposite of an “Indian Giver” would be an “Indian Getter.” This would be someone who is given something only to give it away. You don’t hear too much about “Indian Getters.” If they’re out there, they are few and far between.

God’s character is that of an “Indian Getter.” In Numbers chapters 7 and 8, we see God receiving many things from His people. They give Him carts, oxen, gold, silver, lambs, rams, even a whole tribe of people known as the Levites. But then God takes all the things the people give Him and gives all of it back to them! His reason for doing this is so that his people will thrive and prosper…thus being able to give to Him further. (2 Cor. 9:11) What a deal! (Matt. 10:8) (Luke 6:38)

I believe God wants to show Himself to the world by infiltrating the world with “Indian Getters.” God’s children should more and more be taking on the nature of giving away what’s been given to them. This would not only make for some very powerful public relations for God…it would radically change our world for the better.

May God increasingly make us into “Indian Getters” for His glory and our good.

How To Be A Better Person

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If you want to know how to be a better spouse and have a better marriage, it starts with learning how to be a better person.

Right now, my spouse is probably laughing her head off at the idea that I can tell you how to be a better person. She would be the first to tell you I have a long way to go in that department. And the idea that I could give you all the answers you need on how to be a better person in one short blog post is pretty laughable also.

But I can give you the basic building block for how to be a better person. Then, you can take those basic building blocks and build on them in a way that best suits you, your situation, and your need.

Here are the basic building block for how to be a better person:

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