When you go to have your eyes checked, the first thing they do is determine your focus. They want to know what you’re able to focus on and what you’re not.
Just like your eyes, the health of your marriage has a lot to do with your focus. And just like your eyes, your focus can change over time.
IN THE BEGINING
When I officiate a wedding ceremony for a young couple, I lead them through vows that sound something like this…
“Do you promise to love and cherish (insert name) for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
As I’m leading a couple through these vows, I know that even though they’re repeating the words, they’re really only focusing on the “better, richer, health” side of things. And it’s this focus that produces the “honeymoon” period, where they are deeply in love with one another.
A MARRIAGE OUT OF FOCUS
But, over time, spouses begin to shift from focusing on the “better” to focusing on the “worse.” Our focus on our spouse shifts:
- From how they build us up to how they let us down.
- From their endearing qualities to their irritating traits.
- From what they use to do for us to what they fail to do for us.
- From their faithful commitment to their lack of chemistry.
It’s funny how couples start off focusing on the positive, but as time goes on, their focus shifts from the positive to the negative. It’s this shift in focus that changes their appreciation for one another and turns the tide in their marriage from high tide to low tide.
When this happens, the marriage is out of focus and the couple needs to refocus.
REFOCUSING
Always remember that when it comes to marriage:
- Your focus determines your attitude.
- Your attitude determines your actions.
- And your actions determine your outcomes.
You would be surprised at how you can change your feelings about your marriage simply by changing your focus. And it is possible to change your focus. Here are a few things that will help you refocus:
- Pull out your wedding album and spend time looking at the photos.
- Tell stories of your wedding, your honeymoon, or the first years of your marriage.
- Talk about what you found attractive about one another.
- Every day, find one thing about your spouse to appreciate and be thankful for.
- Find some act of kindness to do for your spouse each day.
- Remember how you use to flirt with one another and put more of that in your marriage.
- Compliment and encourage your spouse at least once a day.
Try doing these things for a month – even if you don’t feel like it! You will be surprised how this will refocus your attitudes and actions toward your spouse.
Just like the health of your eyes depends on their ability to focus properly, the health of your marriage depends on your ability to focus properly.
What are you focusing on?