Marital Drift and How to Stop It.

Have you ever had the experience of looking at your spouse in thinking, “We use to be so close. How did we drift apart? What happened?” If you have, you are not alone. I think that thought crosses the mind of nearly every spouse at one time or another.

Marriage can be like a boat without an anchor. It has a tendency to drift. In the beginning, when you’re close to shore, it doesn’t seem like a problem. But the further you get from shore the more prominent and problematic the drift can be. You start to experience things like:

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Are You A Good Lover?

How am I suppose to find the answer to the question, “Are you a good lover?”

If I ask myself that question, my pride and ego would give a resounding “YES!” But if I’m honest, after thirty-seven years of marriage, I still feel awkward and clueless at times.

If I ask my wife that question, she would probably assure me that I’m a good lover. But how do I know she’s not just sparing my feelings. What if, after I go to sleep, she’s shaking her head in sad disbelief?

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Bull Riding and Marriage

I often tell people that marriage can be like a bull ride. Here’s what I mean by that…

In the beginning, when the bull rider gets on the bull, they look good, feel confident, and are surrounded by a lot of supporters. Those supporters speak words of encouragement, slap them on the back, and tell them, “You can do this!”

All this is like a bride and groom on their wedding day.

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A Dry Run At Eternity

Sometimes you read thing something that makes you stop and evaluate your marriage, your faith and your life. This guest post from my friend Connie Plummer did that to me, and I wanted to share it with you.

They are like a man who builds a house. He digs down deep and sets it on solid rock. When a flood comes, the river rushes against the house. But the water can’t shake it. The house is well built. – Luke 6:48

In this life, we practice for the important events.

  • A trial run to the hospital before it is time to have the baby.
  • A ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ graduation walk through.
  • A wedding rehearsal.
  • That song you are going to sing
  • That speech you are going to make.

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Is Your Marriage Approaching Zero Gravity? – Part 2

Gravity is an essential part of life. Without it, things would drift away into space. Likewise, gravity is an essential part of marriage. Without marital gravity, spouses begin to drift apart. And if they drift too far apart, it can bring an end to the marriage.

In my last post, I talked about four things you needed to increase your marital gravity. They were four things that would help draw you closer to one another and keep you from drifting apart. (Check out my last post, “Is Your Marriage Approaching Zero Gravity – Part 1.”)

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Would You Lay Down Your Life For Your Spouse?

When asked, “What would you be willing to do for your spouse?” most of us are quick to profess how we would lay down our life for our spouse. We would step in front of a gunman’s bullet. We would shield them from the blast of a terrorist’s pipe bomb. We would put ourselves between them and an angry herd of parent eating toddlers. (Ok, maybe not that last one.)

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3 Major Marriage Decisions

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Sometimes marriage can feel like an endless stream of decisions. Even if you decide not to make a decision…that’s still a decision!

These decisions come in a variety of shapes and sizes.

There are minor decisions like: Where do we go to eat? Who cleans up after the dog? What movie will we watch? Who will take out the trash?

Then there are major decisions like: Is it time to have a baby? Should we change careers and move? What should we do about our wayward teen? How do we care for our aging parents?

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Monogam-ish? Really?

There is an idea related to marriage that is slowly gaining traction in our culture. It is the idea that you can be monogamous maritally, without being exclusive sexually. The term for this is “monogam-ish.”

When I first encountered this term, I was doing some web research and it came up in a Google search. My first thought was, “Monogam-ish? Really?” Curious, I clicked on a video explaining the concept of being monogram-ish. My reaction went from “you’ve got to be kidding” to “I can’t believe we’re even having this discussion!”

The rationale behind being monogam-ish goes like this…

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Comfortably Uncomfortable

We all want to be comfortable. We want comfortable chairs, comfortable shoes, comfortable beds, comfortable clothes, comfortable retirements…comfortable everything.

We especially want comfortable marriages. We want marriages that are calm, happy, and easy. We want spouses who like what we like, act like we act, and always think we’re wonderful. We also want to win the lottery, but that’s probably not going to happen either.

Marriage is never completely comfortable. It is always a mixture of comfortable and uncomfortable. Because of that, you’re marriage will either be uncomfortably comfortable or comfortably uncomfortable.

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