Every baseball player wants to hit a home run. They want to know that feeling of seeing the ball go over the fence.
The same is true in marriage. We all want a marriage that powerfully connects and soars over the fence. We all want a home run marriage.
But what about those of us who are just average batters. What about those of us who have normal marriages…not home run marriages?
Realize that no one knocks it out the park every time. In fact, no one gets a hit every time. In baseball, a batter is known by his batting average. Batting average is the number of hits a batter gets divided by the number of times they’re at bat. A batting average of .300 (read as three hundred) is considered excellent. Did you get that? To be considered an excellent batter, you only have to get a hit 30% of the time!
So you won’t hit it out of the park every time, but how can you improve your batting average in marriage? Try focusing on these 2 strategies…
- Keep your eye on the ball. There are a lot of things a batter could focus on when he’s up to bat. The coaches. The crowd. The weather. The movement on the field. The pitcher. But if a batter is going to knock it out of the park, he must keep his eye on the ball. It’s the only thing that matters when he’s up to bat. The same could be said of marriage. You will get thrown pitchs in the form of decisions, situations, choices, disagreements, requests, etc. When that happens and you’re up to bat, you need to focus on the marriage, not the pitcher or the on-lookers. Ask yourself things like, “What is best for the marriage in this moment?” “What will connect and make the biggest impact on the marriage in this moment?” This is keeping your eye on the ball.
- Don’t swing at every pitch. A batter can be sure of two things: He should not swing at every pitch, and if he swings at every pitch he will probably strike out. A batter needs to decide which pitches to swing at and which pitches to let go. The same is true in marriage. In marriage, a lot of pitches will come your way and you must decide…swing or let it go? When it comes to disagreements and conflicts, you can easily fall into one of two batting errors: (1) let your pride, stubbornness, arrogance, or insecurity lead you to believe you have to swing at every pitch, or (2) Be so afraid of striking out, you let every pitch go by. Avoid these two errors. It’s not easy and it takes some practice, but you can learn which pitches to swing at and which to let go.
So you’re marriage may not be a home run marriage right now. You may have struck out some, but you can still improve your batting average. Keep your eye on the ball. Don’t swing at every pitch. And keep swinging for the fence.
Leave a comment. Tell us what keeping your eye on the ball and not swinging at every pitch means to you in marriage.
Copyright © 2014 Bret Legg
I think this makes a lot of sense. For me, it seems to take a lot of the pressure off of having a “perfect or home run” marriage. Keeping the eye on the ball, or specific marriage dynamics, drowning out all the outside influences and distractions (seemingly good and obviously bad), can only promote intimacy? Not swinging at every pitch could be seen as a way to compromise with each other. Finding a way to meet in the middle of swinging at every pitch and not swinging at any pitch. It is all about taking chances that your spouse can be trusted and not need to be controlled. Swinging at everything or nothing makes an “easy out” to the outside forces. I want a good batting average and not to have been worried about being replaced by a pinch hitter. 🙂 Looking forward to the possibility of a football analogy in a few months.
Your absolutely right about the fact that not swinging at every pitch has a lot to do with trusting your spouse doesn’t need to be controlled. You’re also right about swinging at every pitch and not swinging at any pitch being an easy way out. Very good insights. Someone that insightful probably doesn’t have to worry about being replaced by a pinch hitter.