Glory days can be that winning pass of the high school championship, that time we were big on campus and had the hot date, or that carefree summer we spent at the beach with friends. Whatever they may be, we all have glory days in the past that seem better than the present.
As a married couple, you have glory days. Maybe it was when you were dating and everything was fresh and new. Maybe it was the excitement of your wedding day. Maybe it was the early days of marriage when hope and passion were always high.
But what if those glory days now seem like a distant memory? What if those glory days have been replaced with marital conflict, parenting demands, financial pressure, and work stress. What if the days of passion have changed from “I can’t beat them off with a stick” to “I want to beat them up with a stick?”
What should we do with our glory days? Do they still have a place in marriage, or should we pack them away in the attic of our memory, like fragile heirlooms?
We tend to treat the glory days with our spouse in one of two ways. We either cling to them so tightly that we become dissatisfied with our current state of affairs, or we grudgingly cut them loose, believing our glory days are gone forever. Neither of these two responses will serve your marriage well.
There are three things you should do with your glory days…
1. Remember them.
Your glory days represent special times in your relationship and shouldn’t be tossed away like a used paper plate. Remembering your glory days with your spouse can remind you of what brought you together and why you gave your lives to one another. But rehearsing your glory days to the point that nothing else can live up to them will breed dissatisfaction in your marriage. You should remember your glory days, but not enshrine them.
2. Learn from them.
Too often we think our glory days were rare and random times that just happened…like seeing a shooting star. But there were specific things that contributed to those glory days.
Often, couples will come into my office distressed, because they feel like the glory days are gone and they don’t feel the love for one another they once felt. So I’ll ask them about their glory days. “Tell me about when you were dating and so much in love. What kind of things did you do together? How much did you talk? How much time did you spend together? What kind of fun did you have?” The couple will smile and talk about their glory days with great fondness. Then I will ask them, “All those things you used to do when you were dating and early in your marriage…are you doing them now?” Usually, they will drop their heads and mumble, “No, not really.”
Rather than assuming that our glory days were some sort of flash in the pan, we need to learn what made them glory days in the first place. Then we can learn to do the third thing…
3. Build on them.
There are certain movies I like to watch over and over, and it drives my wife crazy. She can’t understand why I wouldn’t want to watch new movies that I’ve not yet seen. Glory days can be like that. We can play them over and over and forget that we have the ability to build new glory days we’ve yet to experience.
How? Think about the things you did in the original glory days. Were you spending a lot of time together? Were you doing fun things together? Did you talk more? Were you working toward something special? Whatever it was, chances are doing more of that now will help you build new and different glory days. Remember that glory days are not just for young couples with no cares and no children!
So don’t forget about your glory days. Cherish them. But don’t allow past glory days to make you make you dissatisfied with what you have now. Make it your goal to build some new glory days.
Take your spouse out on a date. Talk about what you consider to be the glory days of your relationship and why. (Maybe even bring pictures of those times.) Then talk about what you consider to be current glory days as well as some of the glory days you would like to make. Have fun.
Copyright © 2017 Bret Legg