Every baseball player wants to hit a home run. They want to know that feeling of seeing the ball go over the fence.
The same is true in marriage. We all want a marriage that powerfully connects and soars over the fence. We all want a home run marriage.
But what about those of us who are just average batters. What about those of us who have normal marriages…not home run marriages?
How can someone be here one minute and gone the next? How can life be going so well and then come undone? How can I feel fine one day and get this diagnosis the next? How can I buy a home and then find out later they’re doing away with my job? Why did this have to happen?
If you’ve ever experienced life threatening news, you know these questions. You’ve asked these questions. You’ve looked for answers to these questions. Maybe you’re still looking for answers.
All you want to know is, “Why did this have to happen?”
Why can’t I get what I want? Maybe you’ve asked that question in marriage. Maybe it was when your spouse was not helping around the house. Maybe it was when you wanted to relax and your spouse wanted you to run an errand. Maybe it was when your spouse wasn’t interested in sex, or was too interested in sex. Whatever it was, you found yourself asking, “Why can’t I get what I want?”
Which is more important, forgiveness or justice? It depends on who you are. If you’re the offended, justice is more important. If you’re the offender, forgiveness is more important. Whether you’re looking for forgiveness or justice, you need to understand that getting it will also be problematic for you. Here’s what I mean…
What are you afraid of? When I was very young I was afraid of clowns. To this day, I don’t remember why, but I remember the fear. I also was afraid of the dark. (Yeah, I was kind of a wimpy kid.)
No one wants to be afraid, but let’s face it…there’s a lot of things out there to fear. If we’re going to over-come our fear, we must first understand just what is feeding our fear.
We often try to avoid conflict in marriage. Let’s face it…very few people enjoy having a conflict with their spouse. It unpleasant personally and it can make us think there’s something wrong with the marriage. But conflict is a normal and natural part of marriage. In many ways, it can actually be good for a marriage if it’s handled well. Listen to last week’s Normal Marriage Class and learn how to get a little more comfortable with normal conflict.
When we’re growing up and we encounter things beyond our control, we tend to look for someone who is in control. We look for a parent, a teacher, a referee, a police officer…anyone who can exercise some control over our situation. But if that doesn’t work, we head down one of two paths:
There’s a sweet spot to many things in life. There’s a sweet spot on a baseball bat that sends the ball over the fence. There’s a sweet spot for musicians where all the notes seem to come together effortlessly. There’s also a sweet spot in marriage, but what is it and how do you find it?