Are you a good kisser? Probably not a question you’re asked a lot – if at all! And how do you answer such a question? If you answer “no,” you sound incompetent and inept. And if you answer “yes,” you sound arrogant and narcissistic. Besides, how do you judge a kiss? Is there a preferred method? An optimal technique?
Kissing is an individual and subjective art form. Everyone has different tastes. (See what I did there?)
A GOOD KISS
But there is a KISS that you can master that will get you high marks every time. Its technique can be measured and improved, and it’s a KISS that will leave your spouse wanting more.
You’ve probably already skimmed ahead enough to know that I’m not talking about a literal kiss. (I’m not about to stick my neck in that noose.) Instead, I’m talking about an acronym to help you remember how to “kiss” your spouse every day. It goes like this…
K – KEEP YOUR WORD.
We underestimate the importance of keeping our word. We say we’re going to do something, and then we don’t get around to it. We say we’re coming right home, but then we get sidetrack. Or we tell our spouse we’ll call when we’re leaving, but we forget.
Here’s another one you might be familiar with. Your spouse asks you, “Where do you want to eat?” You tell them, “Anywhere is fine.” But then you complain when they pick somewhere you don’t like. When you do that, you’re not keeping your word.
Yes, these are small things, but the more you fail to keep your word in the small things, the less your spouse can trust you in the big things.
Consistently keeping your word, even in the small things, builds trust. And when your spouse can trust you, that builds security for them. Trust and security are the bedrock of a kissable marriage.
I – INVEST IN THEIR HAPPINESS.
Look for ways to make your spouse happy. And one way to do that is to learn how to speak their love language.
If you’re not familiar with this, Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. In this book, he says that everyone wants to feel loved in some primary way. For some, they really feel loved when they’re given words of affirmation. For others, what makes them feel loved is when you spend quality time with them. Then there are those who feel loved when you give them gifts. Others feel loved when you perform acts of service for them. And finally, there are those who feel love through physical touch.
If you want to invest in your spouse’s happiness, learn their primary love language and “speak” that language frequently!
S – SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE.
You may be thinking, “Whoa…wait a minute. When I speak the truth, I usually get in trouble!” Granted, having truthful conversations can be difficult at times. But if speaking the truth gets you in trouble, it’s usually because of one of three things:
- You’re speaking the truth bluntly, harshly, or angrily…rather than speaking the truth lovingly.
- You haven’t practiced lovingly speaking the truth long enough for it to feel normal.
- You’ve not been doing the other KISS items so that your spouse can know you truly love them, despite how the truth might sound to them.
It’s important that you not only speak the truth but that you do it as lovingly as you can. One without the other can be harmful. Speaking the truth without love can be brutal. And speaking lovingly, without being truthful, can be deceptive.
As I said, speaking the truth is not always easy, but the more you learn to speak the truth lovingly the stronger your marriage will be, and the more kissable you’ll be…even in the face of difficult truth. (Ok…that kissable part may not immediately follow the truth, but eventually, it will.)
S – SERVE YOUR SPOUSE.
We live in a world where the idea of serving your spouse is often confused with servitude. The thought of serving your spouse can be interpreted as demeaning or demoting.
But when you love someone, you serve them. You serve your children every day, yet that doesn’t feel demeaning. (Ok…maybe sometimes.) But you serve them because you love them.
Anyone can say, “I love you” to their spouse, but when you serve your spouse, you’re backing up your words with action. You’re adding tangible weight to your “I love you.” And when you demonstrate your love for your spouse by serving them, that makes you very kissable!
A FINAL THOUGHT
These four things might not sound as romantic or as passionate as actually kissing your spouse on the lips. But consistently doing these things will make you more “kiss-able” to your spouse, by making your spouse feel more important, more secure, and more loved. And this will make them want to kiss you more. (And I’m not talking about one of those peck-on-the-cheek kisses.)
When you KISS your spouse in these ways, it will make them want to KISS you back. And who doesn’t want that!
So KISS your spouse every day. Who knows where it might lead?