Bret Legg

The First Day

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It’s Monday morning, I’m walking in our neighborhood, and it’s the first day of school. School buses are crisscrossing the neighborhood like bees swarming a hive. Parents and children are gathered in groups along the streets. Kids are dressed in new school clothes and toting new book bags. Parents are lining up fidgety kids for those infamous first day of school pictures, while cheerily encouraging them about what a great day it will be and what a great year they’re going to have. It’s the first day of school!

Do you remember your first day of school? What about your first day of high school? Your first day of college? Your first day on the job? Your first day of marriage? Your first day as a parent? Your first day as an empty nester? Your first day of retirement?

Life is full of “first days.” As the cliché goes, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

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Is A Normal Marriage Good Enough?

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The word “normal” can go either way.  If you’re talking about blood pressure, eye sight, or the size of your newborn’s head, “normal” is a good thing.  If you’re talking about academics, talent, or marriage, “normal” seems less than desirable.

Many couples beat themselves up and stress themselves out trying to keep their marriage from slipping into “normal.” (See the movie, “This is 40.”)

What is it that causes us to think “normal” is not good enough when it comes to marriage?

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What If Your Spouse Came With Emojis?

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Emojis are the little faces and symbols we use to clarify the intent and feeling behind the words we text, tweet, and post. It was once just elementary school children who drew smiley faces on ruled paper, but now CEO’s in suits are tacking these little faces on the end of their electronic communications. Emojis are the hieroglyphics of our time.

Wouldn’t it be great if emoji’s showed up on your spouse’s forehead to tell you what they were thinking and feeling? Think about it! No more wondering what’s really going on behind their words and actions. 

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I’m Listening – Reader Survey

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There are two things that can get you off track in the marriage. The first is not speaking up to the other about what you want and need. The second is not listening to the other about what they want and need.

If you will take just two minutes or less to fill out this reader survey, you can speak up about what you want and need in this blog, and I can listen and try to make the blog more helpful to you.

The survey is very simple and easy. (It’s mainly click-the-box type of questions.) So as a reader of the Normal Marriage blog, please give me just two minutes of your time to help me make this blog better for you, and thanks for reading.

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Just Do It!

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Board Game - Depositphotos_14634915_s-2015_editedThink of something you just don’t want to do. Maybe it’s cleaning the garage or organizing your closet. Perhaps it’s giving the dog a bath or cleaning the bathroom. It could be cleaning the gutters or working on your taxes. Or maybe it’s that mammogram or colonoscopy you’re avoiding like the plague.

We all have things we don’t want to do. We put them off, because they’re no fun.

Likewise, there are things in marriage we don’t like to do, so we put them off. Things like:

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How to Put Your Kids and Your Marriage in Their Proper Place

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When I stepped into the waiting room, I noticed that Bryan and Christine (not their real names) were sitting in separate chairs and weren’t talking. As they took separate seats in my office, I asked them why they had come to counseling. The question was met with sighs and silence. After some awkward attempts to get Bryan to go first, Christine finally said, “We’re really struggling in our marriage. ” From there, the story began to roll out.

They were once good friends and playful lovers who talked, laughed, and spent time together. But now they were more like room mates who only talked when they needed to. Christine was focused on their 3 active kids and the mounds of laundry and homework that came with them. Bryan was focused on the increasing demands of providing for their family, and the occasional game of golf. Their time together was spent discussing kids, schedules, or money. This seemed to be the only thing holding them together.

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Rescue Your Marriage From the “If Only’s”

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Have you ever regretted something, and the more you thought about it the more you found yourself saying, “If only”? Maybe it was something you said, or something you did, or a decision you made, but whatever it was left you with regret and the reverberation of “if only.”

We all have those “if only” regrets. They sound something like this:

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How to Have the Perfect Marriage. Really!

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I know they say there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. But what if there is? What if it’s possible to have the perfect marriage?

Some people think that to have the perfect marriage you have to marry the right person. But I don’t think that works. No one’s perfect, and with all the people out there, the odds of finding the right person is pretty slim.

I think to have a perfect marriage you have to do something different. You have to…

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Lessons From Living in a Shack

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In twenty years of marriage counseling, I’ve seen couples put more and more emphasis on their house.

I’ve seen engaged couples believe they couldn’t get married until they had purchased a three bedroom, two bath home. I’ve seen couples expecting a child purchase a bigger home for more bedrooms, bigger yard, better neighborhood, a pool, or a playroom.

It’s as if we believe we can’t have a good marriage and family unless we have the “right” house.

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