Little Things Mean A Lot – Sit Together

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Do you and your spouse sit together?  I’m talking about sitting close together.  Do you sit together on the sofa?  Do you sit together when you’re out to eat?  Do you sit together when you’re visiting friends?

One of the laws of attraction has to do with proximity.  Simply put, the more people are in continued close proximity to one another the more likely the attraction between them will increase.  (I suppose if you’re both angry with one another, continued close proximity could also cause your aggravation to increase…but that’s a topic for another post.  For now, let’s assume things aren’t that bad.)

Think back to when the two of you were dating   The closer you got to each other physically, the closer you wanted to get.  You used to sit so there was no daylight between the two of you.  Now, if you’re like many married couples, you could drive a school bus between the two of you and neither of you loose a limb.  What happened?

What happened is you got married.  That’s not meant to be a slur on marriage.  It’s just that once you’re married, being together is not a rarity.  It’s common place.  You take it for granted.   It’s been said that familiarity breeds contempt.  Hopefully it won’t get that bad, but familiarity in marriage often breeds complacency.  When that happens, one of the first things to go is sitting together like you used to.

In our marriage, I began to noticed that our evening routine consisted of my wife sitting on the sofa on one side of the room and me sitting in a recliner on the other side of the room.  On top of that, we were both on our iPads and not really talking to one another.  We weren’t mad.  We were just in our own orbits.  On a rare occasion, I might go sit on the sofa with her, but even then she was on her end and I was on mine.

So recently, when it was time to replace some furniture, we decided to get a love seat with built in recliners.  The purpose was to allow us to sit close and still stretch out.  The evening it was delivered, there we sat.  Side by side on the love seat.  Watching movies and reading.  Though we still didn’t talk much, that evening had a completely different feel than those evenings when we sat on opposite sides of the room.  (Maybe that’s why they call it a love seat.)

I’m not saying you need to go get a love seat with built in recliners, but I am saying that you need to sit together more.  Sit so your shoulders can touch.  Sit so your feet can touch.  Sit so your…well, you get the idea.

At the risk of sounding too simplistic…the more you sit apart, the easier it is to grow apart.  The more you sit together, the easier it is to grow together.

So try sitting together more this week, and then send us a comment and tell us how it went.

Copyright © 2014 Bret Legg


4 thoughts on “Little Things Mean A Lot – Sit Together”

  1. Well, we tried this and the funny thing is, all 4 boys piled on top of us to watch TV/movie. As important as it is for Keith and I to establish this closeness, I will take this any day of the week also. 🙂

  2. Hello I been trying to save my marriage for years. My husband feels we have nothing wrong so I feel alone. I never want to give up, but I feel like a plant with out water. I don’t know what do anymore I failed at my 1st marriage and I am determined to make it work. I feel like I might of picked the wrong person for me. I am very lonely but I am never alone. He says he don’t have nothing to talk to me about.

    • It sounds like you’re in a very difficult situation. We can’t force anyone to change, but sometimes if we will work on changing ourselves, it will take our focus off of our spouse. And sometimes, that will actually impact our spouse and create an environment for them to change…though there are no guarantees. Reach out to same-sex friends with whom you can connect and confide. Also, if you’re a person of faith, lean hard into your faith, prayer, and your church. These can be a great source of strength and guidance. Praying for you as you move forward.


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