How am I suppose to find the answer to the question, “Are you a good lover?”
If I ask myself that question, my pride and ego would give a resounding “YES!” But if I’m honest, after thirty-seven years of marriage, I still feel awkward and clueless at times.
If I ask my wife that question, she would probably assure me that I’m a good lover. But how do I know she’s not just sparing my feelings. What if, after I go to sleep, she’s shaking her head in sad disbelief?
Now that I have your attention…
Go to your local bookstore and look at the books on sex. You don’t have to wear a disguise or take the Christian bumper stickers off your car. Just act like you were looking for a book on Civil War history and got lost. Then, when no one is looking, take a look at some of the sex books on the shelf.
You will find that the majority of sex books (and there’s a lot of them) will focus on sexual positions, (and there’s a lot of them.) Yet none of theses books will tell you which sexual position is the best.
Gravity is an essential part of life. Without it, things would drift away into space. Likewise, gravity is an essential part of marriage. Without marital gravity, spouses begin to drift apart. And if they drift too far apart, it can bring an end to the marriage.
In my last post, I talked about four things you needed to increase your marital gravity. They were four things that would help draw you closer to one another and keep you from drifting apart. (Check out my last post, “Is Your Marriage Approaching Zero Gravity – Part 1.”)
I don’t write much about sex in this blog. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with the topic. Maybe it’s because I know a lot of wives read this blog and I don’t want to come across as the “typical male who’s only thinking about one thing.” Maybe it’s because there’s so much out there on sex and marriage I don’t know what else to add to the topic. Maybe it’s because I know my wife reads this blog and I don’t want to wind up in the dog house or be reminded of how much I don’t know.
But whatever the reason, we need to talk about sex, because it’s an important part of marriage.
There is an idea related to marriage that is slowly gaining traction in our culture. It is the idea that you can be monogamous maritally, without being exclusive sexually. The term for this is “monogam-ish.”
When I first encountered this term, I was doing some web research and it came up in a Google search. My first thought was, “Monogam-ish? Really?” Curious, I clicked on a video explaining the concept of being monogram-ish. My reaction went from “you’ve got to be kidding” to “I can’t believe we’re even having this discussion!”
The rationale behind being monogam-ish goes like this…
Two weeks ago we talked about making an appointment to spend time with your spouse. Last week we talked about scheduling dates with your spouse. This week we talk about scheduling times for sex with your spouse.
Now I am not talking about making sex as mundane or routine as taking out the trash every Tuesday night. I’m talking about giving sex with your spouse the time and attention it deserves and needs.
Marital satisfaction is affected by sexual satisfaction. Most married couples know this instinctively, but still tend to resist scheduling times from sex. Here are some of the things I’ve heard from couples when it comes to scheduling times for sex…
When I say marriage and sex should go together, you may think, “Well duh. That’s a no-brainer!” But there are too many times where marriage and sex don’t necessarily go together…or at least not well.
Everyone goes into their wedding ceremony expecting to spend the rest of their life with the person standing next to them. They stand before the minister with heart pounding and knees knocking, believing their marriage will last forever…like the pyramids.
But we know this is not always the case. Too many marriages crumble and fall apart, so what can we do to build a marriage that will last? How can we build a marriage that will stand the test of time…like the pyramids?
I’ve just realized that I failed to post the last Normal Marriage Class audio from back in March of this year. So sorry to have left this one off, since it not only finishes a conversation about dealing with in-laws but also deals with the issue of sex in marriage. So go back and listen to this blast from the past. If you would like to hear the entire series, click on the Normal Marriage icon in the right side bar under “Teaching Series.”
It was the biggest ice storms in ten years. Our power went out around 8:30 in the evening, so we lit candles and fired up the gas log in the living room. Since the living room was the warmest place in the house, we made a bed on the floor in front of the fireplace. (You probably know where this is going.)