Reactions to Valentines day can be mixed and varied. Some look forward to the special attention. Some dread the pressure of trying to come up with something special. Some look forward to the sexual expectations. Some dread the sexual expectations. In short, Valentines Day can be a mixed bag.
When it comes to Valentines Day, I’ve always felt spouses should express their love for each other all year long. When you do this, two things happen: First, every day becomes more like Valentines Day. Second, if your Valentines Day doesn’t work out for some reason, there’s no big let down.
Which brings me to my story about the Valentines Day that never was. On February 8, my daughter and son-in-law brought home their newborn from the hospital. Since we live in the same town, my wife went to their house for 2 or 3 days to help them get settled with the baby. On February 10, my daughter came down with the flu, and by the next day my wife had the flu also. So my daughter, her baby, her husband, and my wife were all quarantined at my daughter’s house. My wife did come home late valentines day, but she immediately crashed on the couch, and then spent the next 4-5 days sleeping upstairs away from me. It was the Valentines Day that never was.
There was a time when this would have aggravated me and left me feeling cheated. But it didn’t this year. Why? I think it’s because we seem to enjoy almost every day we’re together. (Notice I said “almost.”) That doesn’t mean that every day is a day of romantic passion, but it does mean that almost every day we try to be appreciative of one another. (Again, I said “almost.”) We try to sit together each evening. We try to be kind and courteous to one another when we’re together. We try to give keep a good connection sexually. I’m not saying we get an A+ in all of these all the time, but it is an on-going agenda for us.
Too many times, showing your spouse love on Valentines Day winds up being the exception to the rule. But when you’re trying to be loving towards your spouse every day, then missing a Valentines Day is the exception to the rule. That’s why the Valentines Day that never was didn’t disrupt us that much.
I know it isn’t easy to try to keep an on-going Valentines Day attitude. It can take some getting used to. So to help you ease into this mindset, try taking one day each week and asking yourself this question: If this day were Valentines Day, what would I do differently for my spouse?
- Maybe you would get them a card or write them a note.
- Maybe you would get a sitter and go out on a date.
- Maybe you would fix their favorite meal, or bring home their favorite candy.
- Maybe you would watch their favorite movie with them.
- Maybe you would give a nice back rub with no sexual demands.
- Maybe you would hug them more or kiss them longer.
- Maybe you would ditch the old t-shirt and wear something nice to bed. (A friend of mine calls this kind of sleep wear “commitment wear.”)
Whatever you would do differently on Valentines Day, try doing that one day a week. It doesn’t have to be the same day each week. Surprise them. But start having a little bit of Valentines Day each week. If you do, you’ll never have to worry about the Valentines Day that never was.
Take the above challenge for the next month, and let me know how it changes things in your marriage.
Copyright © 2015 Bret Legg