When I talk about 3 ways to make time, I am not talking about sexual encounters or getting to a destination quicker. I’m talking about dealing with the pressure of feeling like you need more time.
We often talk about needing to make time for things like our marriage, our kids, our friends, our hobbies, our health, our (fill in the blank.)
There are several reasons why we often feel we don’t have enough time to do what we need to do…
Every baseball player wants to hit a home run. They want to know that feeling of seeing the ball go over the fence.
The same is true in marriage. We all want a marriage that powerfully connects and soars over the fence. We all want a home run marriage.
But what about those of us who are just average batters. What about those of us who have normal marriages…not home run marriages?
My spouse and I differ in a lot of ways, but there’s one very big difference between us. It’s not related to money, or sex, or kids, or in-laws. It’s much more serious. It’s about super hero movies vs Hallmark movies. This difference has been there from the day we got married, and it produces groans and eye-rolling to this day. What do you do when this happens?
Ever notice the difference between the dating couples from the married couples in a restaurant?
The dating couples are animated. They’re looking at each other, leaning into the conversation, laughing, asking questions, and telling stories.
Remember when your marriage was young? Remember the fun, the anticipation, the magic? Does your marriage still feel magical or has it become more mechanical? If your marriage seems more mechanical than magical, there are three keys to getting the magic back. I found them in a Steve Carrell movie called “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone.”
“What happened to the person I married?” “Where did that person go?” “I want that person back.” This is not the person I thought I was marrying.” “This isn’t the spouse I wanted!”
Most people who have been married for any length of time have thought these things, even if they weren’t brave enough to say them out loud. It’s like you’re the victim of a bait and switch. You thought you were getting one person and instead you got another.
We never really outgrow the desire to be liked by others. We can be a grown adult with children and grandchildren, and still be concerned about whether people like us.
We don’t approach people and ask, “Do you like me?” That’s way too elementary school. Instead, we look for affirmation in other ways…
In the last post, we talked about what it means to have a “normal marriage.” Here’s a quick recap:
The key to making your normal marriage good is figuring out what parts to keep and what parts to tweak.
When I started this blog, I didn’t really explain what I meant by the term “normal marriage.” I just jumped right into talking about marriage and never really addressed it. In this post, let me correct that oversight and talk about what it means to have a “normal marriage.”
When you say the words “normal marriage” to people, you’re bound to get a reaction. Initially, people laugh at the idea that there is such a thing as a “normal marriage.” But after laughing, most people are curious and they want to know more. People ask the same three questions…
Verbs are action words that gives life to a sentence. Think of the sentence, “Dick and Jane played.” If you take away the verb, all you have is “Dick and Jane.” Without the verb, it’s boring and goes no where.
The same is true of marriage. The right verbs breathe life into a marriage.