I’m a Star Wars husband married to a Lifetime movie wife. This weekend, TNT ran a back-to-back Star Wars marathon. I was ecstatic. My wife…not so much.
When I got married, I didn’t realize our marriage would suffer from MDD…Movie Disagreement Disorder. It’s a very common disorder, found in most marriages.
Some of the symptoms of MDD are:
A few weeks ago, I had a fender bender coming home from work. It was a very minor fender bender. No one was hurt. There was only a small amount of damage to my car and no damage to the other car. We didn’t even have to call the police.
I was glad that the damage was so minor, but my car had been in pristine condition up until this point. Now there was this dent in the front of my car for everyone to see.
I became a little OCD about it. Every time I walked to my car, I would stop and look at the dent. When I went into the garage to get something, I would look at it. I was beginning to fixate on the dent.
The other day, I was cleaning out some files and came across a poem, written by a divorced mom on behalf of her two children. The poem had no title, so I’ve given it the title: “My Daddy Doesn’t Live Here.” It’s heartbreaking to read, but it’s a good reminder of how divorce affects kids.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Sometimes marriage can feel like an endless stream of decisions. Even if you decide not to make a decision…that’s still a decision!
These decisions come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
There are minor decisions like: Where do we go to eat? Who cleans up after the dog? What movie will we watch? Who will take out the trash?
Then there are major decisions like: Is it time to have a baby? Should we change careers and move? What should we do about our wayward teen? How do we care for our aging parents?
Marriage, like bread and potato chips, can become stale over time. Ruts, routines, and indifference have a way of settling in and dulling what used to be a vibrant relationship.
What about your marriage? What are the signs that you’re living in a stale marriage?
The word “normal” can go either way. If you’re talking about blood pressure, eye sight, or the size of your newborn’s head, “normal” is a good thing. If you’re talking about academics, talent, or marriage, “normal” seems less than desirable.
Many couples beat themselves up and stress themselves out trying to keep their marriage from slipping into “normal.” (See the movie, “This is 40.”)
What is it that causes us to think “normal” is not good enough when it comes to marriage?
Emojis are the little faces and symbols we use to clarify the intent and feeling behind the words we text, tweet, and post. It was once just elementary school children who drew smiley faces on ruled paper, but now CEO’s in suits are tacking these little faces on the end of their electronic communications. Emojis are the hieroglyphics of our time.
Wouldn’t it be great if emoji’s showed up on your spouse’s forehead to tell you what they were thinking and feeling? Think about it! No more wondering what’s really going on behind their words and actions.
There are two things that can get you off track in the marriage. The first is not speaking up to the other about what you want and need. The second is not listening to the other about what they want and need.
If you will take just two minutes or less to fill out this reader survey, you can speak up about what you want and need in this blog, and I can listen and try to make the blog more helpful to you.
The survey is very simple and easy. (It’s mainly click-the-box type of questions.) So as a reader of the Normal Marriage blog, please give me just two minutes of your time to help me make this blog better for you, and thanks for reading.
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Think of something you just don’t want to do. Maybe it’s cleaning the garage or organizing your closet. Perhaps it’s giving the dog a bath or cleaning the bathroom. It could be cleaning the gutters or working on your taxes. Or maybe it’s that mammogram or colonoscopy you’re avoiding like the plague.
We all have things we don’t want to do. We put them off, because they’re no fun.
Likewise, there are things in marriage we don’t like to do, so we put them off. Things like:
Have you ever regretted something, and the more you thought about it the more you found yourself saying, “If only”? Maybe it was something you said, or something you did, or a decision you made, but whatever it was left you with regret and the reverberation of “if only.”
We all have those “if only” regrets. They sound something like this: