When it comes to marriage, there are some things you just don’t say…that is if you want a long happy life. Things like: “Gee honey, those jeans really do make you look fat.” “I told my dad there were some things you really could learn from him.” “I don’t think your cooking will be ever be as good as my mom’s.” You just don’t say things like that in a marriage, unless you’re ready to lose both a spouse and a limb.
It’s the thing sitcoms are made of. Out of the blue, your spouse approaches you with a gift, a big hug, and an “I love you!” Hesitantly you say, Thank you,” all the while wondering, “It isn’t my anniversary, is it?”
Even if this has never happened to you, I bet you can imagine it. That feeling of being caught off guard. That feeling that maybe you missed something. Where does this kind of panic come from?
I started thinking about this after making a recent post to Facebook.
When I say your marriage needs more drive through, I’m not saying your marriage needs more fast food take out orders. (Although, how cool would it be if you could improve your marriage with more fast food?)
No, I’m talking about conversation. Now don’t roll your eyes and say, “Not another post that tells me I’m supposed to emotionally open up and share my deepest feelings with my spouse!” That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about something simple and easy. Not a complete 4 course meal at some fancy restaurant. Just drive-through.
Here’s a marriage riddle for you. (As if marriage wasn’t perplexing enough.) How is marriage like Facebook, makeup, and toothpaste? And the answer is not that both spouses need better profiles, wife’s need to use more makeup, and husbands need to use more toothpaste.
To find the answer, think about this. When people first start using Facebook they work hard to get the right profile and pictures on their page. They think through what to post and what not to post. They carefully craft each post, knowing that others will be reading it.
Last night I learned of the suicide of Robin Williams. I was shocked and saddened by the news. I’ve always been in awe of his ability to riff and improvise on the spot.
It’s confusing when someone with so much to live for can’t see a reason to live. It’s jarring to think that someone could be so bright on the outside and so dark on the inside. Yet this is the reality for many people.
This is also the reality for many marriages.
I’ve just realized that I failed to post the last Normal Marriage Class audio from back in March of this year. So sorry to have left this one off, since it not only finishes a conversation about dealing with in-laws but also deals with the issue of sex in marriage. So go back and listen to this blast from the past. If you would like to hear the entire series, click on the Normal Marriage icon in the right side bar under “Teaching Series.”
I hear the word “partner” used a lot these days. People use the term when they’re married, but they also use the term when they’re just living together.
I know the term “partner” is an attempt to be politically correct and inclusive, but to me the term “partner” seems a little demeaning. I want to be more than just a partner. I want a marriage that’s more than just a partnership. Why?
I know it’s sort of a loaded question, but are you taking care of your spouse? Before you get offended, think about it for a moment. How would you answer that question? What first comes to mind?
When you’re dating, holding hands is one of the first big milestones. Getting there can be awkward, but once you’re holding hands, you feel it…”We’re a couple.”
Holding hands when married can be much the same. It can be a little awkward at times, but it can also carry the same “We’re a couple!” feeling.
Did you ever do any school lunch trading when you were a kid? You know…you look in the lunch bag your mom packed and you find something you really don’t want. Something you would like to trade for something else.
Marriage can be that way. A few years into your marriage, you can find things in the marriage bag you didn’t really want. Things you wish you could trade for something else.